Harry -
Nostalgia. That is the one word that describes the entire "Delta and the Bannermen" experience for me.
You will recall that I missed the entire Sylvester McCoy era until after my turbulent teen years. By the early 90s, Doctor Who was no longer on TVOntario, but started popping up on various cable channels here (YTV and Space being two) and was on at all hours of the day.
I distinctly remember watching my first Seventh Doctor story -- "Delta and the Bannermen" -- on a summer's afternoon. The weather outside matched the sunny feeling of the story. Everyone is so cheery in this one. I can't help but feel nostalgia for a story that itself is steeped in nostalgia.
Sarah -
I'm fairly certain that I haven't watched "Delta and the Bannermen" since it first aired on WTTW. I didn't remember much about it going in, which was a pity. A bit of nostalgia may have made it less painful to watch.
It's almost the opposite of "Paradise Towers". "Paradise Towers" is a story with an interesting premise and mostly solid script, which is let down by the production. "Delta and the Bannermen" is an absolute crap script that is buoyed by an aggressively cheerful production attempt. It made my brain hurt.
Harry -
The story begins with a couple of classic Who tropes: a mysterious battle on an alien planet, and the Doctor and his companion going on a holiday.
In this case, Delta, the Chimeron Queen is fleeing for her life from the evil forces of Gavrok, a real baddies' baddie. His Bannermen look like a militarized version of Devo, which amuses me to no end. I also liked how the Chimeron troops looked like living versions of those green plastic toy soldiers of days past. The final couple of them help Delta steal away in a Bannermen war ship, which she pilots to a nearby spaceport.
Sarah -
Are we not Devo? We are Bannermen!
Harry -
Hee hee!
Sarah -
JN-T totally missed a stunt-casting opportunity there.
Harry -
At the spaceport, the Doctor and Mel have been greeted by JN-T's stunt-castiest stunt casting ever, Ken Dodd! No surprise, Ken plays a wacky tollmaster at the spaceport, decked out in a wildly elaborate uniform. (Incredibly, Ken continues to perform his marathon variety shows around England at the ripe old age of 88.) Ken congratulates the Doctor for being the 10 billionth customer and winner of a free holiday time travel package to Disneyland in 1959. In terms of prizes, it's like awarding a beginner's cooking lesson to a Michelin chef. Mel however is delighted. They will be joining a Navarino tour group aboard a specially decked-out bus. The Doctor chooses to follow in his TARDIS, and they set off to the sounds of "Rock Around the Clock." Just before the bus departs, Delta jumps aboard and the two opening threads come together.
Sarah -
The spaceport scene is hysterical. Apparently, Ken Dodd was beyond excited to have been asked to do Doctor Who. His performance is so over-the-top that it almost come around the other side. The Doctor actually looks slightly terrified by the whole situation.
Harry -
Imagine how overwhelming Ken and his teeth must be in person.
Sarah -
As amusing as I found the spaceport scenes, the forced joviality the bus scenes made me so uncomfortable. Being on that bus may now be one of my worst nightmares.
Harry -
It's as if the director told everyone who was playing a happy character to play a HAPPY HAPPY CHARACTER. And everyone who was playing a baddie was told to play it as a BAD BAD BADDIE. The contracts are striking.
Sarah -
Most of the passengers don't seem to be suspicious when Delta hops on the bus at the last minute, despite her being the only one not in period garb. Mel introduces herself and tries to befriend Delta, which attracts the attention of Keillor -- a bounty hunter who happens to find himself conveniently on the bus with Delta.
Fun Fact: Brian Hibbard, who played Keillor, was a member of The Flying Pickets. Doctor Who was one of his first acting jobs before he went on to Coronation Street.
Harry -
Wow, The Flying Pickets. Whatever happened to them?
Sarah -
Before I found out he was a member of the Flying Pickets, I was thinking of the unnamed character as "Joe Strummer, Bounty Hunter."
Harry -
This turns out to be Mel's strongest story. She's gotten used to being around Sylvester's more cautious, quieter Doctor, leaving her to take the initiative more often. And she only screams once in the entire story, when Delta's child hatches out of its egg. Understandably so! It was the calm, take-it-in-stride reaction by Billy which seemed out of place when he walked in on the scene.
Sarah -
It really is her best story. Poor Mel is yet another name of the list of under-utilized Doctor Who companions. I might feel bad about this being her penultimate story if I didn't know who was coming next. But, let's stay focused on where we are now. In Wales, 1959.
Harry -
Oh Billee! What a rock and roll rebel. With his guitar and his Vincent motorbike, it's no wonder Ray was so smitten. It was sad watching her heart get broken after Billy had his head turned by Delta. You mentioned Corry Street. There's so much emotional backstory going on here it almost feels like a soap opera.
Sarah -
There's a lot of drama going on here and I think it gets to the heart of what annoys me about the script. While Ray's crush on Billy makes complete sense, Billy's decision to run away to another planet with Delta within a few hours of meeting her is baffling. The whole story is so uneven.
Harry -
It's a victim of the 14-episodes-a-season limit imposed by the Beeb, which resulted in each of Sylvester's seasons having two 4-part stories and two 3-parters. These quickies would be equivalent to present day two-parters, but back then short adventures were still the occasional exception and unfamiliar territory. It really made for some fast-paced plot development here.
Sarah -
I'm not sure an extra episode would have improved the storytelling. Even at only three episodes, the episode recaps felt especially long at the start of parts two and three.
Harry -
The Doctor finds Ray weeping in the laundry room and consoles her. Keillor the bounty hunter corners them and can't believe his luck when both the Chimeron Queen and a Time Lord fall into his lap. He radios up to Gavrok at the spaceport, eager to confirm his successful tracking and collect his reward. Gavrok rewards him by sending a signal that detonates the bounty hunter's radio, killing him instantly. Gavrok also delights in having Ken Dodd killed. They killed Ken Dodd! The vile bastards!
Sarah -
Surely the most heinous crime in the history of Doctor Who!
For comic relief, we have the American CIA agent double act, Weismuller and Hawk. I was stunned to find Stubby Kaye in Doctor Who and kind of hoped he'd break into a chorus of "Sit Down You're Rockin the Boat!" While I'm not sure CIA agents would be wandering around Wales wearing their Yankees gear -- especially in a time when men still wore suits to games -- they helped lighten the mood of the story. A bit.
Harry -
Yes, even the Yankees' trainers probably wore suits and fedoras back then so Weismuller's fanerific fan gear (mesh trucker hat!) was out of place.
Sarah -
Perhaps they were actually visitors from the future.
Harry -
There must have been a subplot to the CIA agents that was completely lost on me, unless the whole point was for Hawk and Weismuller to ham it up between chase scenes.
Sarah -
It's a shame Kaye is no longer with us -- Weismuller and Hawk could be the next Big Finish hit!
Harry -
Ho boy, there are an awful lot of chase scenes in this one. Not even chase scenes, more like a lot of rapid toing and froing on motorbikes. Here at last, the late-80s jingly-jangly score worked.
Sarah -
I wish I could agree. The hamming it up on the motorbike to yet another annoying score was particularly disheartening.
Harry -
The fun takes a momentary break when the Bannermen warship lands. Hawk and Weismuller are immediately captured, and Gavrok sets off to find Delta at the holiday camp. Fortunately, the Doctor has managed to convince camp leader Burton to evacuate the place.
Sarah -
Burton is my favorite character in this story. He reminded me of Uncle Bryn (portrayed by the brilliant Rob Brydon) on Gavin and Stacy, which was also set on Barry Island.
Harry -
Burton is the Classic Welshman of the story, and a happy one at that. The staff all get away in time, but the Navarinos are too slow back to their bus. The Bannermen arrive and blow the whole thing to smithereens. Vile bastards!
Sarah -
What a horrible moment! It has to be one of the largest massacres in Doctor Who history.
Harry -
This sets up Sylvester's first big moment as the Doctor: his confrontation with Gavrok (played ever so nastily by Don Henderson, another of the many Doctor Who - Star Wars crossover actors).
Though not memorable for any classic lines, it's all in Sylvester's performance as he looks the bully right in the eye, gives him a bit of stick, loudly, then takes off with Mel and Burton. All in all it was a very Doctory moment.
Sarah -
Syl finally gets his "I AM THE DOCTOR" speech and it's a brilliant moment. And then, being Syl, he follows it up with comedic second-guessing.
Harry -
The second guessing was amusing. I couldn't believe Gavrok let them go after that.
Sarah -
Right? I was waiting for a laser beam to take out someone.
Harry -
Maybe he was in a food coma after gnawing on that ham. Good grief!
Sarah -
That had to be the most disgusting shot of the story.
Harry -
After we watch some more motoring about, our friends converge at the home of Goronwy the happy beekeeper. Another in the string of amusing characters, Goronwy was played by Hugh Lloyd. He welcomes everyone and offers up some samples of honey from his large store.
Sarah -
Another odd character. Apparently, there's a fan theory that Goronwy is actually an exiled Time Lord. He certainly takes to the idea of invaders from space without many questions.
Harry -
More than anything, Goronwy reminded me of Tom Baker's Curator, another enigmatic character who knew more than he let on. But that's too timey-wimey for now and the Bannermen are on the way. The Doctor concocts an escape and a trap, using Goronwy's supplies. Thinking they'd cornered Delta at last, Gavrok and his troops end up bombarded by falling honey jars and attacked by a swarm of bees. The pursuit continues all the way back to the holiday camp. By now, Delta's child has grown into a child, at the accelerated rate of their species. She emits an ear-splitting cry, amplified via the camp's sound system, and Gavrok ends up falling into his own sonic mine. He blows up real good, and without their leader the Bannermen surrender.
Sarah -
Meanwhile, Billy has been sneaking the Chimeron Princess' food serum and seems to have become a Chimeron himself.
Harry -
What a ridiculously impulsive guy.
Sarah -
So, it's off into space for the newly formed Chimeron family! Billy takes his guitar, but leaves his Vincent behind in Ray's competent hands. She didn't get her man, but she got his bike.
Harry -
Not a bad consolation prize.
Sarah -
She's probably better off with the bike. Meanwhile, the Americans get their satellite back!
Harry -
President Eisenhower will be relieved. And cue the musical finale! That had to be a first for Doctor Who.
Sarah -
Good Grief.
Harry -
I loved it.
Sarah -
I'm glad one of us did! Before we move on, we should acknowledge that this is the first appearance of the question mark umbrella!
Harry -
And the Doctor's signature look is complete. I warned you at the start that I'd be gushing over the nostalgia I feel for this story, and it remains undiminished after a fresh viewing. This one goes down as one of my (not so secret anymore) secret favourites.
Sarah -
Best Line: "You are not the Happy Hearts Holiday Club from Bolton, but instead are spacemen in fear of an attack from some other spacemen?"
Favorite Moment: The spaceport welcome.
Lasting Image: Ken Dodd!
4/10
Harry -
Best Line: The Doctor's rant at Gavrok.
Favourite Moment: for sure it's Ken Dodd at the spaceport.
Lasting Image: the Bannermen!
7/10
Our marathon continues with Story #147: Dragonfire...
