Harry -
Good grief this one sucks. I can't even pretend to defend it. The real challenge here will be to find interesting things to say about "The Horns of Nimon", without being negative the whole way through.
Maybe I'll begin with a list, just to get all the negatives out of the way:
- horrible effects, from the dreadful ship in space to the slightly misaligned laser blasts
- all the guest actors were more wooden than a display of cabinets at IKEA, except for...
- Graham Crowden, whose performance is so over the top one wonders if his career survived it
- the Nimons are awful
- Tom is definitely back to his hammy ways
- Anthony Read's story is okay, but sabotaged by the lousy production and acting
Sarah -
I sense you're holding back, Harry. Please, tell us how you really feel.
Harry -
Okay, now the reverse, to prove there's a little positive in everything.
- the horrible effects practically give off a warm sepia glow for all the nostalgia they bring
- the guest actors weren't entirely bad, they just got acted right off the stage by Crowden and Baker
- as for Crowden's career, he did just fine
- the most interesting thing about the Nimons was watching to see how close the actors came to toppling over on those massive platform boots - they had to have been moving about in such a stilted manner because they were trying to keep their balance!
- Tom resorted to hamming it up because the Doctor was separated from the tempering influence of Romana for most of this story. She more or less resolved the entire thing while he arsed around with the Nimons and their circuitry
Sarah -
I can't disagree with your points -- both negative and positive.
Harry -
As for Anthony Read's story, it was a clever take on an old legend. I liked the fact that the labyrinth kept shifting. Only later did we discover what it really was.
Sarah -
The labyrinth as a power circuit is a brilliant idea.
Harry -
Anyway, back to the beginning, with that hokey ship and its human cargo. Once it started breaking down, they really got that set to wobble for reals.
Sarah -
It looked like the tributes were the only thing keeping that set standing!
We start out meeting the pilot and co-pilot who are charged with bring the tributes back to Skonnos to fulfill their deal with the mysterious Nimon. In exchange for supplying the Nimon with young humanoids, they expect to be given the means to achieve the Second Skonnan Empire. What could possibly go wrong?
I have to give a shout-out to Malcolm Terris' portrayal of the co-pilot. There's so little to redeem this character, who is more than willing to cut corners and will do anything to save himself. We know that he will be doomed in the end, but Terris is so much fun to watch, from his first shout of "weakling scum" to his final attempt to survive the Nimon.
Harry -
"Weaking scum!" was an unexpectedly amusing catch phrase. Those kids from Crinoth were really beneath his contempt.
Sarah -
I've been on the lookout for opportunities to work "weakling scum" into casual conversation. It's more challenging than you may think.
Harry -
Probably what I disliked the most about this story was that it took so long to get going. The TARDIS finds itself on a collision course with the disabled Skonnan ship, but the Doctor extrudes its defense shields so that they can link up. Once aboard, our friends meet Seth, Teka and their friends, and the ever-impatient co-pilot. After they lend him a hand, he takes off with Romana aboard, leaving the TARDIS behind with the Doctor and K-9 on it... and now a planet is hurtling in their direction.
The Doctor forges a clever plan to spin the TARDIS into the planet's path. It bounces off like a cricket ball, but for most of part two, the Doctor and K-9 remain in the TARDIS, in pursuit of the co-pilot's ship. The first half of the entire story seemed to be all about finally getting to Skonnos.
Sarah -
And then we arrive, only to find ourselves on the horribly depressing planet Skonnos, where the sets are so loud you can hardly hear the dialogue as the Skonnoans tromp about! Seriously, have there been any other sets this loud?
Harry -
Haha! So it wasn't just me thinking that.
Sarah -
It was insane. I was hoping for a DVD featurette where the effects team spent their airtime complaining about the loud sets.
Harry -
I wonder if there is a featurette out there where everyone really gets it all off their chests about the sets, the cheapness, the time pressures, all the real stories of what it was like behind the scenes, not just the usual glossy "here's what we were able to do given the time and resources".
Sarah -
So here we are on Skonnos, where Romana, the co-pilot, and the tributes are chucked into the labyrinth by Soldeed, with the Doctor following closely behind. The co-pilot is, of course, dispatched early on, which was pretty much inevitable, given his weasely behavior. The Doctor and Romana discover that the lone Nimon is not so lone after all, when a whole new crop of Nimon (Nimons?) show up on Skonnos via a transit capsule. In a wacky turn of events, Romana climbs into the transit capsule and ends up stranded on Crinoth. Oh, look, only one more episode to go!
Harry -
The story seems to be all about people trying to get someplace, and being sorely disappointed and/or horribly depressed upon arrival.
Sarah -
Not the first journey to end that way...
Harry -
Interspersed throughout are the scenes on Skonnos involving Soldeed, the local "brilliant engineer", and Sorak, the captain of the guards. Oh my word what costuming! Soldeed is kitted up like a wacky wizard, while Sorak is resplendent in a plumed helmet and some kind of elaborate, multi-sleeved jacket. Their scenes provide all the backstory of Soldeed's dream of a Second Skonnan Empire, and his arrangement with the Nimon. It turns out that Soldeed has been played for a total fool, and the Nimons are a race of "parasitic nomads" who plunder and destroy every planet they land on.
Sarah -
Quite embarrassing to have invited them to Skonnos, eh, Soldeed?
Harry -
He saved his best, face-clawing hysterics for last, when the multiple Nimons began arriving and his dreams of conquest were shattered.
I don't know if "The Horns of Nimon" ever really did pick up. It always felt like it was dragging. At one point late in the story, we see the Doctor, Romana and the Crinoth kids slowly creeping around the labyrinth trying to find a way out, then we see the first Nimon puttering around in its lab, then we see Soldeed and Sorak gossiping, while K-9 sits dismantled. It was like we were given a rare glimpse of "dead time" in a Doctor Who story, where there was not a lot of action happening. It was a really peculiar stretch.
Sarah -
OK, I've got something positive to say -- Romana was awesome! She had loads of screen time without Tom chewing up the scenery and Lalla made the most of it. Also, her own sonic screwdriver -- which the Doctor tried to nick.
Harry -
I liked her equestrian inspired clothing. It was such a Romana look. And like I said, she did most of the heavy lifting in this one while Tom did the clowning.
Sarah -
Well, that's that. I'll move along to some fun facts. "The Horns of Nimon" is significant in Doctor Who history for many reasons:
- as we know, "The Horns of Nimon" was a premature season finale. "Shada" was meant to be the final story of season 17, but was never completed due to a strike
- it's Graham Williams' final Doctor Who story, as well as the final script to be edited by Douglas Adams
- it's the last we'll hear from David Brierley as K-9, which will not be a problem
- it's the last appearance of Tom Baker's trademark scarf and coat before we shift to burgundy in season 18
- it's the final story to use the original 1963 arrangement of the theme, from the 1967 remix by Delia Derbyshire, as well as the last use of the diamond-shaped series logo and "tunnel" opening sequence by Bernard Lodge, which had been in place (with some modifications) since "The Time Warrior"
- sadly, it's also the last story to be scored by composer Dudley Simpson, who contributed more to the series than any other individual. Can we lift a toast to Dudley? The Sofa will miss you Mr. Simpson!
Harry -
Legend.
And wow, that's a lot of "lasts". I didn't realize this story marked the end of so many eras. Nice list!
Well, we got through this one without crashing the blog or requiring a 6-week break to recover. Shall we check out season 17's lost story, "Shada?"
Sarah -
Oh, let's. Other than the infamous boating scene that made its way into "The Five Doctors", I've not seen the footage.
Harry -
Me neither. Something new for us both!
Sarah -
Best Line:
The Doctor : "Come on old girl, quite a few millennia left in you yet."
Romana : "Thank you, Doctor!"
The Doctor : "Not you -- the TARDIS!"
Favorite Moment: The Doctor asking to see Romana's sonic screwdriver and then attempting to pocket it while handing his back to Romana.
Lasting Image: Those wacky Nimon costumes. Nothing goes with an oversized mask quite like platform shoes!
5/10
Harry -
I laughed out loud at that exchange with Romana. Here's my alternative Best Line courtesy of the Doctor: "Have you noticed how people's intellectual curiosity declines sharply the moment they start waving guns about?"
Favourite Moment: that whole malarkey with the TARDIS spinning into a planet and bouncing away safely.
Lasting Image: Soldeed's petrified look of horror when he sees the mulitiple Nimons.
5/10
Our marathon continues with Story #109: Shada...
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